Columnist Russ Kathrein says, “One of the simplest ways to tell whether someone is in leadership or management is to listen to how they talk.”
How Language Reveals Leadership Mindset
One of the simplest ways to tell whether someone is a leader or a manager is to listen to how they talk. In challenging times, especially, leaders speak in terms of “we,” while managers default to “I.” The difference may seem small, but the message it sends to a team could not be larger.
When a leader says “we,” it signals unity, shared purpose, and accountability. It tells the team, we’re in this together. When a manager says “I,” it communicates separation. “I” puts the speaker above or apart from the group and suggests their main concern is personal reputation rather than collective success. The language we choose reflects our mindset, and over time, it shapes how others see our leadership.
How Managers Default to “I”
I had a boss who I really enjoyed working with, except when there was a crisis. When things were not going well, he reverted to his “I’m the manager” mode and started saying things like, “I want to know what you are going to do about this,” or “I allowed you to do this, now you need to tell me why it is not working.” We realized he was not in the boat with us; he was standing on the shore, shouting instructions.
Contrast that with a leader who says, “We need to figure this out,” or “Let’s see what we can do differently.” The problem may be the same, but the tone is entirely different. One isolates, the other unites. People will work harder, take more ownership, and go further for a leader who is rowing alongside them rather than pointing from the dock.
Recognition, Accountability, and Leadership
Effective leaders understand that success and failure belong to the team. When things go well, they highlight the group’s effort. When things go wrong, they take accountability and focus on solutions. Managers, on the other hand, are often more worried about how they look to their boss or their peers. They use “I” because they believe leadership is about control and credit. True leaders know it is about service and accountability.
The words we use also set the culture of our teams. “We” leaders build trust, encourage collaboration, and create an atmosphere where people feel valued. “I” leaders breed competition, caution, and distance. Over time, teams mirror the language of their leader. If the leader talks in terms of “we,” people begin to think in those terms as well.
When Leaders Should Use “I”
Another powerful distinction between “I” and “we” leaders shows up in how they handle recognition. A manager will say, “I made sure this project got done,” while a leader will say, “Our team did an incredible job pulling this off.” The truth is, no one succeeds alone. Leaders who speak in terms of “we” demonstrate humility and an understanding that their role is to elevate others, not themselves.
In challenging times, that humility becomes the foundation of resilience. When the team hears “we will find a way through this,” it reminds them that they are not alone in the struggle. Everyone feels ownership of the outcome. When they hear “I will take care of it,” the rest of the team steps back and disengages. Intentional or not, “I” language takes the air out of teamwork.
Lessons for Those New in Leadership
As leaders, we should also recognize how our choice of words influences engagement. “We” invites collaboration. People are more likely to speak up, contribute ideas, and take initiative when they feel part of something larger. “I” shuts that down by implying decisions are already made.
The best leaders speak and act as part of the team, not above it. They do not separate their success from the group’s.
The one time it is appropriate for a leader to invoke “I” is when things do not work out and you want to focus the team on finding a solution rather than looking backward to cast blame. Harry Truman had a sign on his desk that said, “The buck stops here.” A good leader will shoulder the blame, relieving the team of that burden so they can move forward with clarity and purpose.
In the end, the true measure of a leader is not found in how often they say “I,” but in how naturally they say “we.” The “I” in leadership should remain just a letter, because when it becomes a person, the team loses its leader.
Originally Published In LBM Journal
